Post by BleekerBOP on Mar 7, 2006 16:54:46 GMT -5
The past few weeks have really been a blur. I havent
spoken to Shalin in a couple of days....she keeps callin
but I don't wanna deal with anybody right now. I know
I shouldn't be ignoring her, shes all I got. We had a
game tonight and we won because I took every ounce
of frustration I had out on the other team. I even got a
technical which pissed off the coach but I could care
less what he thinks. I took the back way home so I
wouldn't have to walk in front of Shalin's house but I
forgot....she knows me too well.
"What the fuck Chris"
The anger in her eyes was crazy and all I could do was
look down at my feet.
"You dont call me, you ignore my phone calls, you ignore me in school wtf is going on?"
"I'm sorry I just had a lot on my mind.."
I knew I was giving her a bullshit excuse that would be
returned with a answer that would make me feel even
worse...
"A lot on your mind? Since when does that stop you from talking to me. "
"I don't know, i've been busy"
"You know what Chris, i'm not gonna sit here and argue with u-
"Then don't.."
The look she gave me killed me. I know I shouldn't be
talking to her this way but my head and my heart were
on 2 different channels right now. For the past couple
of weeks i've been thinking, all I do is stress Shalin out
with my problems and she doesn't need anymore shit
on her plate. I don't wanna be a pain to nobody...I dont
want to be anything to anybody.
"You know when the old Chris comes back tell him to call me because the a$$hole standing in front of me is pathetic"
I watched her as she walked away and as much as my
heart wanted me to run after her and hold her....my
mind said no. I couldn't keep dragging her into my
problems. As I walked into my house I quietly snuck up
to my room so they wouldnt hear me. I laid my bag on
the floor and rubbed my shoulder looking in the mirror I
pulled off my shirt and stared at the bruise that covered
much of my right shoulder. Like I said things won't be
okay and there not. I got this three nights ago trying to
protect my mom. The beatings were more frequent now
and more and more violent. I'm surprised nobody has
called the cops yet. I sat down at my desk and did my
homework before I slid into some shorts and a beater. I
turned my radio on low and started to work out on the
pull up bar I put in my room a few weeks ago. I don't
know how many I did but I stopped and fell to the
ground when it felt as if my arms were falling off. I
looked over to my radio and listened to the song I had
on repeat.
You know me, I used to get caught up in everyday life
Tried to make it through my day so i could sleep at night
Tried to figure out my way through the maze
Of rights and wrongs, but like you used to say
Nothing feels like it's really worth it
Forget perfect, i'm trying not to be worthless
Since i last saw you i been lookin for a purpose
Well i met this kid who thought like i did
He had a weird way of lookin at it
This is what he said
Slip out the back before they know you were there
And at the worst you'll see nobody cares
Cos you dont wana be around when it all goes down
Even heroes know when to be scared
Slip out the back before they know you were there
And at the worst you'll see nobody cares
Cos you dont wana be around when it all goes down
Even heroes know when to be scared
I dont remember where i met him or remember his name
But he walked funny like he was too big for his frame
Just over five foot but he weighed a buck fifty
And what he said just seemed so right it stuck with me
Listen its like poker you can play your best
But you got to know when to fold your cards and take a rest
And know when to hold your cards and hold your breath
And hope that nobody else is stacking the deck because
I dont need to tell you that life isnt fair, it doesnt care
It arbitrarily cuts off your air, and like you i want someone to say its okay
But in the truest parts of our hearts everybody's afraid
But just underappreciated and overwhelmed
Fighting so hard to hide our fear that were scaring ourselves
You understand when im saying that you always did
But its different in the words of a cowardly kid
Slip out the back before they know you were there
And at the worst you'll see nobody cares
Cos you dont wana be around when it all goes down
Even heroes know when to be scared
Slip out the back before they know you were there
And at the worst you'll see nobody cares
Cos you dont wana be around when it all goes down
Even heroes know when to be scared
Im no hero, you remember how i was, you know
All i ever did was worry, feeling out of control
To the point where everything was going end over end
Im spinning around in circles again
This is where you come in
All of this to explain to you why
I had to separate myself away from yesterday's life
Please remember this isn't how i hoped it would be
But i had to protect you from me
Thats why i slipped out the back before you knew i was there
I know you felt unprepared
But every single time i was around i just bring you down
And i could tell that it was time to be scared
Thats why i slipped out the back before you knew i was there
And i know the way i left wasnt fair
I didnt want to be around just to bring you down
Im not a hero but dont think i didnt care
I layed on the floor trying to catch my breath as I kept
listening to the song over and over again....I looked up
at my door as I heard the knob turn and he walked in.
"Whats your little scrawny ass doin in here?"
I looked up at him and noticed his speech was slurred
and he could barely stand up straight. Fuck here we go.
" I was minding my business"
"Ooooh little Chris who gets technicals at basketball games is a man now huh"
I stood up and squared myself up with him...if we were
gonna fight I wasn't gonna go out like a bitch.
"Well we at least needed one man in the house"
I watched as his hazy eyes snapped open and almost
seemed to pop outta his head.
"What the fuck did u just say?"
"You heard me"
The next thing I knew we were on the floor rolling
around. He was like a hundred pounds heavier than me
but adrenaline is a motherfucka. I got two quick hits to
his jaw before he drew back and dug his fist into my
shoulder. I fell on my back clutching my arm when he
got on top on me and started pounding me in my chest.
I tried anything I could do to get him up but my right
arm was numb and I couldn't breathe. I clutched my
chest and he finally got up and kicked me before he
walked out of the room. I crawled over to the door and
slammed it before I ran into the bathroom and spit
blood into the sink. I looked in the mirror and saw
nothing but fist imprints and the early signs of bruising
all over my chest. I got in the shower and changed
clothes and then sprayed my room to get the stinch of
alcohol he left. Finally I noticed that I left my window
open and I looked across to see Shalin in the window
crying. She saw the whole thing....I looked at her and
shut my blinds and listened to the radio.....
This is where you come in
All of this to explain to you why
I had to separate myself away from yesterday's life
Please remember this isn't how i hoped it would be
But i had to protect you from me
Thats why i slipped out the back before you knew i was there
I know you felt unprepared
But every single time i was around i just bring you down
And i could tell that it was time to be scared
Thats why i slipped out the back before you knew i was there
And i know the way i left wasnt fair
I didnt want to be around just to bring you down
Im not a hero but dont think i didnt care
Song is By Fort Minor(mike shinoda of linkin parks solo project go buy it exec prod. Shawn Carter feat John legend, black though, Styles of beyond, Holly Brook, Jonah matranga, and kenna) Song is called slip out the back. Feedback and comments please
spoken to Shalin in a couple of days....she keeps callin
but I don't wanna deal with anybody right now. I know
I shouldn't be ignoring her, shes all I got. We had a
game tonight and we won because I took every ounce
of frustration I had out on the other team. I even got a
technical which pissed off the coach but I could care
less what he thinks. I took the back way home so I
wouldn't have to walk in front of Shalin's house but I
forgot....she knows me too well.
"What the fuck Chris"
The anger in her eyes was crazy and all I could do was
look down at my feet.
"You dont call me, you ignore my phone calls, you ignore me in school wtf is going on?"
"I'm sorry I just had a lot on my mind.."
I knew I was giving her a bullshit excuse that would be
returned with a answer that would make me feel even
worse...
"A lot on your mind? Since when does that stop you from talking to me. "
"I don't know, i've been busy"
"You know what Chris, i'm not gonna sit here and argue with u-
"Then don't.."
The look she gave me killed me. I know I shouldn't be
talking to her this way but my head and my heart were
on 2 different channels right now. For the past couple
of weeks i've been thinking, all I do is stress Shalin out
with my problems and she doesn't need anymore shit
on her plate. I don't wanna be a pain to nobody...I dont
want to be anything to anybody.
"You know when the old Chris comes back tell him to call me because the a$$hole standing in front of me is pathetic"
I watched her as she walked away and as much as my
heart wanted me to run after her and hold her....my
mind said no. I couldn't keep dragging her into my
problems. As I walked into my house I quietly snuck up
to my room so they wouldnt hear me. I laid my bag on
the floor and rubbed my shoulder looking in the mirror I
pulled off my shirt and stared at the bruise that covered
much of my right shoulder. Like I said things won't be
okay and there not. I got this three nights ago trying to
protect my mom. The beatings were more frequent now
and more and more violent. I'm surprised nobody has
called the cops yet. I sat down at my desk and did my
homework before I slid into some shorts and a beater. I
turned my radio on low and started to work out on the
pull up bar I put in my room a few weeks ago. I don't
know how many I did but I stopped and fell to the
ground when it felt as if my arms were falling off. I
looked over to my radio and listened to the song I had
on repeat.
You know me, I used to get caught up in everyday life
Tried to make it through my day so i could sleep at night
Tried to figure out my way through the maze
Of rights and wrongs, but like you used to say
Nothing feels like it's really worth it
Forget perfect, i'm trying not to be worthless
Since i last saw you i been lookin for a purpose
Well i met this kid who thought like i did
He had a weird way of lookin at it
This is what he said
Slip out the back before they know you were there
And at the worst you'll see nobody cares
Cos you dont wana be around when it all goes down
Even heroes know when to be scared
Slip out the back before they know you were there
And at the worst you'll see nobody cares
Cos you dont wana be around when it all goes down
Even heroes know when to be scared
I dont remember where i met him or remember his name
But he walked funny like he was too big for his frame
Just over five foot but he weighed a buck fifty
And what he said just seemed so right it stuck with me
Listen its like poker you can play your best
But you got to know when to fold your cards and take a rest
And know when to hold your cards and hold your breath
And hope that nobody else is stacking the deck because
I dont need to tell you that life isnt fair, it doesnt care
It arbitrarily cuts off your air, and like you i want someone to say its okay
But in the truest parts of our hearts everybody's afraid
But just underappreciated and overwhelmed
Fighting so hard to hide our fear that were scaring ourselves
You understand when im saying that you always did
But its different in the words of a cowardly kid
Slip out the back before they know you were there
And at the worst you'll see nobody cares
Cos you dont wana be around when it all goes down
Even heroes know when to be scared
Slip out the back before they know you were there
And at the worst you'll see nobody cares
Cos you dont wana be around when it all goes down
Even heroes know when to be scared
Im no hero, you remember how i was, you know
All i ever did was worry, feeling out of control
To the point where everything was going end over end
Im spinning around in circles again
This is where you come in
All of this to explain to you why
I had to separate myself away from yesterday's life
Please remember this isn't how i hoped it would be
But i had to protect you from me
Thats why i slipped out the back before you knew i was there
I know you felt unprepared
But every single time i was around i just bring you down
And i could tell that it was time to be scared
Thats why i slipped out the back before you knew i was there
And i know the way i left wasnt fair
I didnt want to be around just to bring you down
Im not a hero but dont think i didnt care
I layed on the floor trying to catch my breath as I kept
listening to the song over and over again....I looked up
at my door as I heard the knob turn and he walked in.
"Whats your little scrawny ass doin in here?"
I looked up at him and noticed his speech was slurred
and he could barely stand up straight. Fuck here we go.
" I was minding my business"
"Ooooh little Chris who gets technicals at basketball games is a man now huh"
I stood up and squared myself up with him...if we were
gonna fight I wasn't gonna go out like a bitch.
"Well we at least needed one man in the house"
I watched as his hazy eyes snapped open and almost
seemed to pop outta his head.
"What the fuck did u just say?"
"You heard me"
The next thing I knew we were on the floor rolling
around. He was like a hundred pounds heavier than me
but adrenaline is a motherfucka. I got two quick hits to
his jaw before he drew back and dug his fist into my
shoulder. I fell on my back clutching my arm when he
got on top on me and started pounding me in my chest.
I tried anything I could do to get him up but my right
arm was numb and I couldn't breathe. I clutched my
chest and he finally got up and kicked me before he
walked out of the room. I crawled over to the door and
slammed it before I ran into the bathroom and spit
blood into the sink. I looked in the mirror and saw
nothing but fist imprints and the early signs of bruising
all over my chest. I got in the shower and changed
clothes and then sprayed my room to get the stinch of
alcohol he left. Finally I noticed that I left my window
open and I looked across to see Shalin in the window
crying. She saw the whole thing....I looked at her and
shut my blinds and listened to the radio.....
This is where you come in
All of this to explain to you why
I had to separate myself away from yesterday's life
Please remember this isn't how i hoped it would be
But i had to protect you from me
Thats why i slipped out the back before you knew i was there
I know you felt unprepared
But every single time i was around i just bring you down
And i could tell that it was time to be scared
Thats why i slipped out the back before you knew i was there
And i know the way i left wasnt fair
I didnt want to be around just to bring you down
Im not a hero but dont think i didnt care
Song is By Fort Minor(mike shinoda of linkin parks solo project go buy it exec prod. Shawn Carter feat John legend, black though, Styles of beyond, Holly Brook, Jonah matranga, and kenna) Song is called slip out the back. Feedback and comments please