"Down Low Double Life" Conclusion

[Sweet Meat aka CC]

A YEAR LATER...
It's been a year now since Karima and I were officially divorced although we ended up being friends again for our sons' sake. Since this is my weekend to keep them, I brought them down to the park to play while I watched them from one of the park benches.

On the other side of the park a woman was sitting on a bench with her one-year-old son when Jacob ran over to her followed by Nasir, Jr.

"Can he play with us over in the sandbox?", Jacob asked while pointing at the woman’s child.

"Sure.", she smiled as she began to lower him off of her lap. "But could you make sure that he doesn't eat any of the sand?"

"Okay, we will.”, Nasir, Jr. smiled as the three of them went running over to the sandbox.

Over the next several minutes, the boys were getting along well until their new playmate began to throw sand everywhere. When some of it landed in Jacob's hair and eyes, I noticed that he was about to hit the kid so I jumped up and ran over to them.

"Jacob, you know better than that! It was an accident!", I scolded him while brushing the sand out of his face and hair.

By this time the mother of the lil' boy ran over to us. "What happened?"

"He threw dirt on him and some got in his eyes.", Nasir, Jr. explained to her.

"Oh, I'm so sorry for him doin' that, sweetie.", she sighed. "Jamari, we don't do that because it‘s not nice.", she stated while popping her son on the hand. He looked at her while slowly poking out his bottom lip before letting go with a loud scream and cry as if she had killed him.

"Daddy, look! He looks juss like Jakey did when he was a baby!", Nasir, Jr. exclaimed while pointing at him as the woman picked him up into her arms.

When I glanced up at them, the woman was all too familiar to me although her hair was short and had been dyed a dark reddish-copper shade. I then looked at her son, then Jakey, and finally back at her again. And that's when it hit me that it was Janae! Just as I was about to say something, she quickly backed away while telling my boys thanks for playing with her son before saying she had to go. With that, she turned and took off towards the parking lot walking as fast as she possibly could while I stood there speechless as I continued to look at her.

"Was she crying, Daddy?", Jacob asked while tugging on my hand.

"Nah, man. C'mon, let's go get some ice cream before I take yall home.", I faintly smiled as we headed over to my ride.
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Later on when the boys and I arrived at my place, Jacob quickly ran for the phone so he could call Karima up to tell her about his day.

"Hello?", a male voice answered when her phone was answered on the third ring.

"Hey, is my mommy home?"

"Is this Jakey?"

"Uh huh? Is this James?"

"Yeah, Lil' Man. How you doin'? You and your brotha havin' a good time with your Daddy?", he grinned.

"Yeah, we went to the park and got some ice cream. I want to tell my mommy too."

"Aight. Hold on for a sec...hey, Rima! It's Jakey!", he yelled towards the kitchen where Karima was cooking. This James Smith guy has been seeing Karima for the past six months and I know it's wrong, but I find myself getting jealous at times; but then she wouldn't be with him if I hadn't hurt her.

"Thanks.", she smiled as she took the phone from him after he walked into the kitchen with it. "Hey, sweetie!"

Jacob proceeded to talk with her for about ten minutes followed by Nasir, Jr. who told her about their day at the park. When they were finished, she asked to speak to me.

"W'sup.", I faintly smiled as I walked across the hall into the living room to have some privacy.

"Hey. I hear yall had a pretty fun day."

"Yeah.", I quietly chuckled before falling silent for a few seconds.

"Is everything okay?"

"I, ummmm...I ran into Janae at the park today and she has a small son.", I almost whispered since this is the first time that her name had been brought up since my divorce.

"Oh. Well what did she say?"

"Nothin'. She left without sayin' anything to me."

"Are you sure it was her?"

"Karima, I'm a 100% sure it was her."

"Oh." This time it was her turn to be silent.

"So, I guess I'll...", I started while trying to end our call before she stopped me.

"He asked me to marry him."

"Who?!", I asked.

"James.", she huffed. "But I don't know if I want to go through that again."

"Well if he treats you and the boys good, then I don't see any reason why you shouldn't.", I sighed.

"I guess I'm not sure because I need to know the truth behind why you did what'chu did to me. Please tell me the truth…was it because of anything that I did?"

"No, Karima! It wasn't anything you did. All that s.hit I put you through was solely because of my selfishness."

"I guess that sometimes I feel like maybe if I had of done things one way instead of another then maybe we wouldn‘t have...", she sighed while wiping away at a tear before it had the chance to fall.

"Do you still love me?", I asked interrupting her statement.

"Yeah. I'll always love you, but I'm no longer IN love with you. But the reason why I'll always love you is because you were my first and you are the father of two of God's greatest gifts ever given to me."

"I undastand and I'll always love you too.", I sighed.

Several more seconds of silence passed between us before she spoke up again. "So do you still love her too now that you know for sure that it was her you saw today?"

"Yeah, I do. But I loved you both the same but for different reasons. Yall were like a personality split in two."

Karima was quiet for a moment. "Thank you for bein' honest. Kiss the boys for me. Bye."

"Bye."
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[Sweet Meat aka CC]

About a week later when AZ and I went to a restaurant in uptown Manhattan, as soon as we walked inside, I noticed Janae right away. When we were asked did we want the smoking or non-smoking section by the hostess, I told her that we would take a table in whichever section that Janae would be waiting on after explaining that I really enjoy her services as a waitress after lying and saying that I had already been to this particular restaurant several times before.

Once we were seated in the smoking section, I noticed the surprised look that came over Janae’s face as she approached our table. However, she stayed calm while taking our orders. During one point, I got up while telling AZ that I was going to the restroom when in actuality, I went over to where Janae was standing for a moment while placing a few drinks on a tray to take to another table.

"Janae? Janae, wait a minute.", I quietly stated when she was about to turn and walk away. I quickly ran in front of her so we'd be standing face-to-face.

"I'm busy.", she emptily replied.

"I know, that's why I'ma make this quick. Now that you're livin' here, would it be okay to come by and talk with you lata on because there's a lot of important things for us to discuss."

"I'll let'chu know before you leave. I really have to get back to work.", she sighed as she quickly walked around me.

By the time AZ and I were finished with our lunch, like old times, Janae scribbled a phone number on my receipt.
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Later on that evening while Janae and Jamari were at the kitchen table eating, I called her up.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Jay? This is Nas."

"Oh, hi...no-no, sweetie.", she replied while balancing the phone between her ear and shoulder while reaching over to clean the baby's hands off with a napkin after he began to stick his hand in his jar of food.

"Sorry.", she lightly chuckled while apologizing to me.

"No prob. I was callin' to find out when would be a good time to come and talk with you.", I faintly smiled.

"Well, if you want to, you can come over now.", she replied before giving me her address.

"Oh, you live out here? I'm ridin' around in the area now. I was vistin' one of my boys earlier."

"Oh okay, well I guess I’ll see you soon. Bye."

"Bye."

Within minutes, I was ringing Janae's doorbell.

"Coming!", she yelled. When she opened the door, she was holding Jamari in her arms. "Hi."

"Hey.", I smiled as I walked inside. I proceeded to turn around and face her. "I didn't come at a bad time did I?"

"No, you're okay. I was just about to fix Mari a warm cup of milk since he's off of his bottles and about to be potty trained.", she chuckled while placing him in his playpen. However, he began to whine when he saw her walking away.

"Can I pick him up?", I asked.

"Yeah, okay. I'll be right back."

Returning from the kitchen about a minute or two later, Janae heard Jamari saying Daddy as I bounced him on my lap. She let out a loud gasp and dropped his cup. I couldn't help from giving her a puzzled look.

"Ummm, c'mon, sweetie. Say night night.", she nervously smiled as she and Jamari waved at me.

"Nigh nigh.", he smiled before he was taken to his room and placed in his crib.

When she returned to the living room, I was standing up looking at some of the pictures of Jamari hanging up on the wall while putting two and two together.

"Hey, I'm back.", she stated while sitting the baby monitor down on the coffee table so she could listen out for the baby. After I took a seat back down in an armchair across from the sofa where she sat down, I quickly spoke up.

"What was that all about a minute ago?"

"What did you want to talk about?", she asked with a shrug of her shoulders while wearing an innocent look after quickly changing the subject.

"Oh, ummmm...I wanted to let'chu know that when I saw you on last week, I was so relieved to see that you were okay. And I also wanted to let'chu know, once again, how sorry I am about how things turned out between us", I sighed. "And now that I've been truthful with you, tell me the truth about Jamari. He's my son isn't he?"

Janae didn't answer me right away. She looked down at her hands resting on her lap and then looked away. Suddenly, she jumped up from the sofa and began to pace back and forth across the floor.

"Why didn't you tell me and why did you let me believe that you were dead?"

"Nas, I didn't mean for you to think that; it's juss...", she started before I cut her off.

"How did it end up that you didn't board the plane?"

"It was because of Jamari. He saved my life. I was feeling nauseated that evening while waiting and went to the bathroom. In the midst of the chaos of the plane goin' down and everything, I stayed in a hotel for several days and decided to stay out here with one of my aunts until I could get on my feet. But as far as my not tellin' you about the baby, it was because I had already caused your wife, a woman that I knew nothin' about, so much pain that I didn't want to cause anymore. And I thought that your family needed you way more than I did.”, she explained as she stood looking at me with pain in her eyes.

"What the fuck are you talkin' about?!", I angrily asked as I stood up from my chair. "Jamari is my family too and he needs me just as much as I need him! How could you keep my son away from me...how could you do this, Jay?!!"

"How could I do this to you?! How could your black ass do what you did to me?!!! I was nothin' but a cheap pawn in your game! You used me to get what'chu wanted...you LIED!!! You hurt me and you ask how could I do somethin' to you?!!! What I did could never compare to the wrong that you did unto me and your wife!!!", she loudly sobbed after beginning to cry.

All I could do was stand there with a dazed look on my face while watching her because everything she had just told me was true. When I continued to stay silent, she spoke again through her tears.

"You told me you loved me. How can you love someone and hurt them. How?" She proceeded to turn her back to me and bury her face in her hands while continuing to cry.

That's when I realized just how much pain my selfishness had caused. "Janae, I'm sorry. I know I lied to you about the kids and other things, but the one thing I didn't lie about was loving you which I still do."

"But how could you love both me and your wife?", she asked without turning around to look at me.

I proceeded to walk around her until we were standing face to face while I gently lifted her chin with my finger so I could look into her eyes. "Because I loved you both the same but for different reasons."

It was then that Janae realized that she was still in love with me after all of this drama as she looked away from me. I cupped her chin in my hand to turn her face back around to look at me.

"Do you still love me?", I whispered.

"I...I never stopped.", she sniffed.

"Listen, I messed up with my wife and lost her. But I'm not about to lose you now that I possibly have another chance to be with you.", I whispered as I leaned forward to kiss her. However, the sound of the baby crying from the monitor caused me to back away.

"Ummm...excuse me.", she smiled as she went to check on him.

"Damn, Lil' Man...that was some bad timin'.", I smirked to myself while glancing over at one of the baby's pictures on the wall.

"Awwww, what's wrong, boo?", Janae sighed as she walked over to the crib. Jamari reached his arms up for her.

"C'mere. You know that was some good timin' you had because I didn't know how much longer I could resist your daddy.", she giggled before placing a kiss on his cheek while he cooed and laughed. The whole time this conversation was taking place she forgot about the monitor on the coffee table.

"Look at you. You're so handsome juss like your father and you're so lovin' and sweet and sincere. You got all of your traits from your daddy didn't you?", she cooed as she walked around the room holding him. About a minute or two later as she was laying him back down in his crib, she began to speak again. "Those were all of the qualities that made me fall in love with him and still love him to this day." Then out of nowhere, she began to shed a few tears while continuing to look down at Jamari.

"I'm sorry for keepin‘ you from your daddy. I never wanted to raise you alone. It’s juss that I always thought that one day I would be married to your father, but the joke was on me because he was already married.", she sniffed.

I cleared my throat as I walked into the room to join them with the baby monitor in my hand. "You juss said that you dreamt of one day bein' married to his father, so what's stoppin' you now?"

For several seconds we looked at each other. Then Janae ran into my arms and we proceeded to share a passionate kiss before crying and holding each other. In the meantime, Jamari sat up and began to clap his hands and coo while watching us.

"C'mere, Lil' Man.", I smiled as I walked over to the crib to pick him up into my arms. Then he, Janae and I held each other.

Learning from my mistakes, I vow to never live the down low double life again because sooner or later it catches up to you.

--The End