Part 3a - "What Is It Gonna Be"

[Sweet Meat aka CC]

A couple of weeks later, I was sitting around with the girls in the shop on a Tuesday afternoon. As usual we were discussing why I had not hooked up with Mario yet although he and I always talked on the phone.

"I'm through talkin' about him for now; I'm swingin' by the grocery store real quick so I won't have to do it on my way home this evenin'. I'll be back in a lil' bit," I stated as I grabbed my bag to leave.

As soon as I stepped outside to go around the back, Mario and I made eye contact while he stood on the corner chatting with LaRon as I headed over to the parking lot to get my car. The grin he laid on me could've melted me right where I stood. However, I just threw a smirk his way before climbing in my car to leave.

After picking up a few needed items from the store, I headed home to put the things away. When I stepped inside the house, I was greeted to a floor full of mail that the mailman had placed through the slot in my front door. I quickly set the three bags of groceries I was carrying down on the floor so I could sort through the pile of mail before my feet.

Walking over to my recliner as I shuffled through each envelope, a medium-sized brown envelope that I had mistaken for junk mail stood out as soon as I saw my name and address neatly written out in cursive writing although there was no return address on it. I knew exactly where it had come from. Nervously opening this particular envelope after tossing the other mail onto the coffee table, I felt a lump forming in my throat as I pulled a 5 X 7 school picture of my ten-year-old son out. He was wearing a gorgeous smile although he was the spitting image of Daddy. My eyes began to sting as the hot tears fell from them; a few of them dropped down onto my baby's picture as I stared at it non-stop.

I reached back into the envelope and pulled out a copy of his last report card for the end of his school year that had straight A's all the way across in each subject. I couldn't help from smiling through my tears as I read how he was a very bright student and how each one of his three teachers all basically said the same thing about how he had been such a joy to teach. Afterwards, I pulled out a letter from his adoptive parents thanking me for allowing them and my son that they named Alexander to be a part of my life at Alexander's request once they shared with him that he had been adopted from birth. Suddenly, the sound of my house phone ringing grabbed my attention. I jumped up from the recliner as I placed the picture on the coffee table and grabbed the phone from its base. However, it ended up being a wrong number. I proceeded to put my groceries away and left the house to head back to work.

However, when I turned the key to start my car, it wouldn't make a sound except for a loud clicking noise. I tried several more times before becoming frustrated. I shrieked while pounding my wheel with both fists. Once I calmed down, I heavily sighed as I called Brian up to see if he could come by to take me back to work and check out my car.

"Yeah," he answered after realizing that my number was showing up on his display.

"Hey. My car is givin' me trouble and I need for you to check it out after you bring me back to work."

"I can't do that today; you know I'm about to head up to Brooklyn tonight to set up for the car show there on this weekend," he snapped.

"Whateva!" I snapped back before hanging up on him.

He heavily sighed as he flipped his phone back down. After thinking it over for a minute, he asked Mario to go out and check on my car since he and Corey were about to head out in the next few minutes to leave for Brooklyn. Once Mario knew it was me that he was coming to see, he had no problem with helping me out whatsoever.

In the meantime, I called Shanitra up to let her know what was going on. It was no surprise when she told me not to worry about coming back in. I thanked her and went back in the house to take a nap while wondering what I would do about everything that seemed to be hitting me all at once.

I had been sound asleep across my bed for about thirty minutes when my doorbell began to ring. I slowly drug myself out of bed and down the hall to answer the door.

“Hey. Brian asked me to come by to see what was up with your car not startin’ since he was on his way out with Corey,” Mario stated as we stared at each other.

“Ain’t this about a bitch,” I angrily mumbled as I glanced away from him for a moment. “Listen, I’m not mad about you bein’ here, but it’s just the point that his sorry ass went on without even…,” I snapped until I was interrupted.

“You don’t have to tell me,” he smirked with a shake of his head while continuing to watch me.

I smiled at him before excusing myself to grab my car keys to give to him. Right after I passed him the keys through the door, my home phone started ringing. When I saw Brian’s number on my display, I caught a quick attitude as I answered it.

“What?” I spat as I watched Mario lifting the hood of my car.

“Don’t be fuckin’ ‘whatin’’ me. Shit,” he snapped before going on. “Look is Mario there yet?”

“Yeah.”

“Tell him when he finds out what’s wrong with your car he can head on home. I told CJ to close the shop up early today since we left earlier than planned. I should be back sometime tomorrow mornin’ before 9:00.”

“I’on’t know why you tellin’ me what time you comin’ back since you never set foot ova here half the time any damn way,” I huffed.

“You betta shut the fuck up!”

“Whateva.” I immediately hung the phone up on him and stood in silence with my back to the door. However, as soon as I heard the screen door opening I whirled around to see Mario walking in while knocking on it.

“Hey,” he faintly smiled as he proceeded to wipe his hands on a towel he brought in with him. “It looks like your timin’ belt is worn out.”

“Damn. Well I guess it coulda been worse. Is it somethin’ that takes long to fix?”

He shook his head while continuing to wipe his hands. “Nah, but it’s a part that’s gonna have to be ordered since Brian doesn’t keep a lot on hand. I think one of the guys used the last one about two weeks ago. I can go ahead and call in the order now so you can have your car up and runnin’ by next week.”

“Next week?” I sighed while placing my hand up to my forehead. “I guess I’ma have to bug Milani to take me to work.”

“Brian can’t take you?”

A look of embarrassment came across my face as I quickly glanced away from him. “Ummm…it’s not that he can’t, but he has to be to work a lot earlier than I have to, and so, well…since Milani lives closer and all…” I was saved by the sound of Mario’s phone ringing.

It was LaRon calling to see if he’d be able to hook up his car with a good cleaning in about an hour or so. When I overheard Mario telling him that he’d be back over to the shop in a few, I quickly jumped in.

“Brian told me to tell you that he told CJ to close up early since he and Corey had to leave and that you didn’t have to go back for the day.”

“Man, you think you slick don’tchu?” LaRon chuckled the moment he recognized my voice in the background.

“Whateva. I guess I’ll hook up your ride tomorrow,” Mario smirked.

“Aight, playa. I’ll holla at’cha lata.”

“Cool.” As soon as he put his phone away, he watched me while wearing a smirk.

“Somethin’ you need to share?” I proceeded to fold my arms while raising an eyebrow as I watched him.

He licked his lips before breaking out into a wide grin while lowering his head before looking away and then back at me. “I was just thinkin’.”

“About what?”

“About how an opportunity just presented itself to us.” The look he laid on me nearly made me weak in the knees.

I sucked my teeth as I looked away although I couldn’t help from smiling. “If that’s what you wanna think.”

“No, I KNOW and you know that I know too.”

“Whateva. Do you want anything to drink?” I turned around and headed for the kitchen to get myself a much needed glass of cold water.

“Yeah. What’cha got?” he asked as he followed me.

“Kool-aid, grape juice, Pepsi, water, and a couple of wine coolers.”

“I’ll take a Pepsi.” He made his way over to my sink and washed his hands.

When he was done, I handed him his can before we walked back into the living room to sit down and watch some tv. I made sure to sit in my recliner and not next to him on the sofa. However, the moment I realized that I still had my baby’s picture on the coffee table, I quickly jumped up; but it was too late.

“Is that your little brother or somethin’?” he asked after glancing down at the table to choose which magazine he wanted to read.

Without answering him, I snatched the picture and envelope up from the table. But instead of putting them away, I stood still while holding the items close to me as a new set of tears fell from my eyes.

“I’m sorry. Did I say somethin’ wrong?” he asked while giving me a puzzled look.

I shook my head before looking at him. I then stepped across his feet and sat down next to him while continuing to hold the picture close to me.

“He’s my son,” I sniffed as I lightly traced my baby’s face with my fingertips after placing the picture on my lap.

“Son?” He stared at me for several seconds before looking out in front of him.

“Yeah, it’s a really complicated situation for me to explain to anyone. That’s why nobody knows about him except Milani…and now you.” I turned to watch him as he slowly turned back to face me. He slowly moved closer to me and placed his arm around my shoulder.

“I’m listenin,” he whispered as he took a gentle hold of my hand and brought it up to his lips...

[Sweet Meat aka CC]

...Sitting at the breakfast table with Hope while Momma prepared our breakfast before school, I began to feel funny as the aroma of the scrambled eggs she was making for us went across my nose. I tried to shake the sick feeling I was experiencing off as I went back to thumbing through my notes for a trigonometry quiz that I would be taking in second period.

When I reached for my glass of milk and placed it up to my lips, the scent of it caused me to dry heave several times as I jumped up and ran over to the trashcan. I did so just in time as my midnight snack I snuck downstairs to have on the night before consisting of two cinnamon Egg-O’s with chocolate syrup suddenly rushed up from my stomach and into the garbage.

I heard Hope screaming to get Momma’s attention since her back was to us while she loudly sang along with the Gospel hour on the radio.

“What is it, baby?!” she asked while turning around to glance at her before noticing me stooped over the trashcan. She quickly turned the stove off and ran over to me while asking if I was okay.

“No,” I cried as she yelled for Daddy to come into the kitchen from his study where he was preparing for Sunday’s upcoming service.

“What’s goin’ on?” he asked as he ran over to us to help me stand up. The moment I felt his hand on my arm, I jerked it away and headed back over to the table to grab my backpack.

Even though I felt terrible, I was still going to school because I didn’t want to be left home alone with him since momma had a doctor’s appointment for a regular routine exam in another two hours.

“Hannah, what is wrong with you?” Momma asked while grabbing my free arm to make me stand still.

“Nothin’,” I mumbled as I tried to walk away.

In the meantime, Hope ran up to us while trying to pat my arm and asking if I was okay. However, she made a mistake and hit me on one of my breasts instead.

“Ouch,” I sighed while pulling away from Momma. I immediately rubbed the place where Hope had hit me by accident.

I didn’t see it, but Momma and Daddy gave each other a look before they told me to take a seat at the table. They both began to put two and two together while thinking back to a couple of weeks ago when they noticed how I was picking up weight and eating everything not nailed down. But I made sure not to mention that I had missed my last period to Momma.

“Hope, since it’s still early, how about letting Momma give you a Pop-Tart to take to the bus stop to eat?” she smiled as she placed her arm around her shoulder.

“Awwwww, I wanted eggs,” she whined as Daddy grabbed her Little Mermaid backpack to hand to her.

“Tell ya what. You be a good girl for Momma and Daddy and Momma will make the baby some eggs especially for you for dinner tonight.” I watched as Momma leaned forward and placed a kiss on Hope’s forehead.

“Okay,” she sighed in disappointment as Daddy handed her a Juicy-Juice carton and an apple cinnamon Pop-Tart from the pantry. He then leaned forward and kissed her on the cheek.

“Bye, Hannah. Feel better,” she beamed as she skipped over to me. She placed a kiss on my cheek before skipping over to the door to leave and stand out in front of the house where Momma could keep an eye on her as she and Daddy told me to go with them into the living room.

“Have you been with anymore boys in the past few months since the day we were called out to the school?” Momma asked in a firm tone as soon as I was seated on the sofa.

“No, ma’am,” I quietly replied while making it a point not to look at her or Daddy as they stood over me.

I then thought back to the day that I had been caught with my then and only boyfriend at the time, Lorenzo, behind the bleachers during gym class. We had only been kissing and feeling each other up for a total of five minutes. And when the principal tried to explain that to Momma and Daddy, Daddy hit the ceiling and swore that I had been having sex which was far from the truth when it came to Lorenzo.

Nevertheless, he and Momma made me break up with him and had me in church for what seemed like 24 hours a day, seven days a week so that they could keep an even closer eye on me.

“You sure?” she asked.

“Yes, ma’am.”

“So if I take you with me to the doctor, you won’t have a problem taking a pregnancy test?”

“What?”

“You heard her!” Daddy barked while glaring down at me.

When I glanced up at him, I began to feel sick on my stomach all over again. The only response I could give was a shrug of my shoulders.

Several hours later after coming back in with Momma from the doctor, Daddy was waiting at the front door for us when he heard her pulling up in the driveway.

“Well?” his voice boomed as he folded his arms and watched me as I walked past him. He could tell that I had been crying.

“Six and a half weeks along,” Momma sighed in disappointment. These were the first words she had uttered since we left the doctor’s office.

“I told you that girl ain’t no good!” he shouted while pointing his finger at me as I flopped down on the sofa.

“It’s your fault!” I screamed while giving him a look of pure hatred.

“What?!” Momma shrieked as a look of confusion crossed her face.

“That’s Satan talkin’! He’s had a hold on that girl for a long time and she doesn’t even know it!” he yelled while looking at Momma.

“And he has a hold on your ass too since you been fuckin’ me for the past year!” I cried as I jumped up and got in his face. The next thing I felt was a slap across my jaw that sent me falling to the floor.

“You liar! How dare you stand up in here disrespecting the man who has been raising you as his own since you were two?!” The look on Momma’s face as she glared down at me sent a chill through my bones. But I wasn’t going to let that hold me back as I stood up while holding the side of my face.

“You’re gonna believe him over your own child?! If that’s the case you’re no better than he is!”

“Do you know what you’re sayin’?!” she asked as tears began to fall from her eyes.

“I don’t believe you,” I sighed as I backed up from her before turning and running over to the door. As soon as I was on the porch I ran down to the nearest bus stop without looking back. I ended up going over to my paternal grandmother’s house and she didn’t hesitate in taking me into her home after I told her what happened with the exception of who the father of my child was.

Somewhere in my heart, I didn’t think it was right to bring any further shame on my family although they proved how much they cared for me.

Over the course of my pregnancy, no one besides my family and Grandmother with the exception of Hope, knew about it. Well that was until my parents told me that I was giving my baby up for adoption to a couple that lived in Jersey who couldn’t have children. Momma and Daddy had met them at a church retreat a few years beforehand.

So to keep anyone from knowing our dark secret, they felt it was best for me to give my child up. And there was nothing I could do to stop this from happening since I was under-aged.

That’s why the day I gave birth, I made it known that I didn’t want my folks in the delivery room with me. It was Grandmother who coached me through the birth of my son. I got to hold him for a few minutes while the cord was cut and gave him a kiss before he was taken away from me. After that moment, I knew I’d never be the same again...

...I felt Mario placing his forehead up against the side of my face as he continued to hold my hand.

“I’m sorry I lied to you,” I sniffed as tears steadily ran down my face.

“About what?”

“When I told you I was spendin’ time with my family a couple of Sundays ago when I called you for the first time. There was so much I was dealin’ with that…,” I began until he stopped me.

“It’s okay.” He proceeded to place a kiss on my cheek. “Is there anything I can do to make you feel better?”

“Could you just hold me?”

“Yeah, I can do that,” he smiled while pulling me into his arms.

“No,” I smiled back with a shake of my head. I stood up and grabbed the remote to turn the tv off before taking his hand to lead him down the hall to my room.

Once we reached it, he took a seat on the side of the bed and watched me as I walked over to my dresser to put my baby’s picture away in the back of one of the drawers. When I turned around, he stood up and held his arms out to me. I began to smile while wiping the last of my tears away as I headed over to him.

“Thank you,” I sighed as he pulled me in close to him. We embraced each other tightly close to a minute before we finally lay down. As soon as we did, he kissed me slow and deep. When the kiss was over, I snuggled closer to him burying my head deep in his chest. Then I reached up with one of my hands and gently stroked the side of his face loving the feel of his facial hair underneath my fingertips.

Meanwhile, he moved one of his hands down to my waist and pushed my shirt up just enough to rub my bare skin. Out of the twenty-six years of my life, I had never experienced anything so intimate without sex being involved. Within minutes, we both fell asleep.
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[Sweet Meat aka CC]

“Young lady, just where do you think you’re going? Did you forget that it’s a school night for you?” Daddy barked when Hope walked through the den to head for the front door. She had just received a call from LaRon who told her he was coming up the street.

“On a date. I’ve already done all of my homework,” she sighed after turning around to face both him and Momma as they sat next to each other on the loveseat watching a program on TBN.

“Did you hear what our daughter just said?” he asked as he turned to face Momma.

“Hope, this is the fourth date you’ve been out on in the past two weeks and we still haven’t met your new friend,” she stated while watching her.

“It’s because we’re only friends. There’s nothin’ seriously goin’ on between us. We’ve just been goin’ out to eat, hangin’ out at the mall, or catchin’ a movie and he always brings me back home a few minutes before my curfew; so I don’t see what the big deal is about you two meetin’ him,” she nonchalantly replied with a shrug of her shoulders.

Besides, she knew in her heart that she was beginning to fall for LaRon and she knew he felt the same way about her, but she still wasn’t sure how our parents would react to him because of the way he dresses. Not to mention that he didn’t have what they would consider a “real job” since he hustled to get what he needed and wanted.

“Enough is enough…before you walk outside this house, your FRIEND will come in here to meet us,” Daddy huffed.

“Momma,” she heavily sighed.

“Your father is right, Hope.”

Just then they heard LaRon honk his horn. Hope turned to go to the door until Daddy stopped her.

“You stay put. I’ll handle this,” he stated as he jumped up and headed down the hall to the front door.

Hope was a ball of nerves as she waited for Daddy to return to the den, hopefully with LaRon.

“Good evening,” LaRon faintly smiled as he walked into the den along with Daddy who had a displeased look on his face.

“Good evening. I’m Hope’s mother. It’s nice to meet you,” Momma faintly smiled back as she stood up and shook hands with him.

“Thank you, ma’am. Same here.”

Hope watched as Momma gave Daddy an uneasy look.

“Okay, now that that’s over, let’s go,” Hope anxiously stated while grabbing up to LaRon’s arm.

“Not so fast. Son, I have a few questions for you,” Daddy snapped as he sat down on the loveseat next to Momma who had already sat back down.

LaRon and Hope exchanged glances with each other before looking over at Daddy.

“Okay,” he replied with a nod of his head.

Hope said a silent prayer that Daddy wouldn’t be too hard on him.

“When you’re not out having a friendly time with my daughter, what do you do to make a living?”

LaRon casually went in his back jeans pocket and pulled out his wallet. He then proceeded to pull one of his business cards out and handed it over to Daddy.

“A DJ? Son, don’tchu know that the music you play sends people straight to hell?” Before LaRon could answer, Daddy went on. “I guess that would explain the way you’re dressed.”

“Daddy, please,” Hope sighed out of embarrassment while rolling her eyes.

“It’s coo’,” LaRon reassured her before responding as he looked back over at Daddy.

“Sir, I hear what you’re sayin’, but at the same time I’d appreciate it if you didn’t knock what I do or wear.”

Hope could feel her heart thumping in her chest while waiting on her father’s reaction.

“Young man, the only language spoken underneath my roof is English. So if you don’t mind, I’d like for you to tell me in ENGLISH what you just said to me because I didn’t understand a word of your response.”

“A’ight,” LaRon mumbled as he tugged on the corner of his bandana before clasping his hands together while looking above Daddy’s head for a brief moment. “I understand and respect your point of view about what it is that I do for a livin’, but I’d appreciate it if you’d show me the same respect that I’m showin’ you. That clear enough?” LaRon proceeded to look at him with raised eyebrows.

The moment Hope saw Daddy slowly standing back up, she grabbed up to LaRon’s arm to try to pull him out of the den so they could leave.

“I told you it’s coo’. Your dad and I are havin’ a mature conversation,” he whispered while smiling at her. When she saw his dimples, she couldn’t help from smiling back at him.

“Hope!” Daddy barked while glaring at them.

She quickly glanced over in his direction before speaking. “I’ll be home by ten. Bye.”

“Bye. Nice to meet you two,” LaRon grinned while looking from Momma to Daddy. When he noticed the pissed look on Daddy’s face, he quickly turned around and followed Hope out to his car while biting his bottom lip to keep from laughing.

“I can’t believe you talked to Daddy like that,” she giggled the moment they were pulling out of the driveway to head to the movies.

“Well damn, I know he’s a big man and all, but I wasn’t gonna let that intimidate me,” he smirked. “Besides, I know how to beat people at their own game.”

“Is that right?” she asked while watching him closely.

He cut her a quick sideways glance before grinning. “Yeah, ma; that’s how I’ve always rolled.” He then reached over to hit the shuffle button on his CD player.

“I’on’t really know about all that,” she giggled as she turned and glanced out of her window while Pretty Ricky’s “Midnight Special” began to bump.

“What?”

“I’m juss thinkin’ about the first day we met. You were so cute blushin’ all hard and whatnot.” As soon as their eyes met while he pulled up to a stoplight, they both burst out laughing.

“Okay, even a nigga like me can slip up a lil’ bit when it comes to a beautiful woman bein’ in his presence,” he grinned while winking at her.

She began to laugh harder. “Whateva!”

“I mean that shit, so why you laughin’ at me?” he laughed back.

“I’m not laughin’ at you, I’m laughin’ WITH you!”

Now it was his turn to say “whateva”.
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When I woke up, I glanced over at the clock and realized that it was going on 7:00. I stretched and smiled while thinking about Mario before slowly getting up from the bed although I did notice that he wasn’t lying next to me. Making my way down the hall and into the bathroom, I heard some noise coming from the kitchen. I tip-toed down to it and noticed that Mario was taking containers of food from two bags setting them on the table.

"Hey," he smiled when our eyes met.

"Hey," I smiled back. "What's goin' on?"

Taking my apple-pie scented candle from one of my countertops and placing it in the center of the table, he spoke. "I just thought you needed a little cheerin' up, so I decided to pick up some dinner for us. I hope you don’t mind that I took your keys so I could get back in. My plan was to wake you up after I got back."

"Wow, I feel so special," I blushed not even acknowledging the fact that I didn’t mind him taking my keys.

"You are. Here," he grinned. He handed a single red rose to me.

"Thank you," I sighed as he and I shared a quick hug.

"You're welcome. So you ready to eat?"

"Yes!" I laughed as he pulled out my chair so I could sit down. "What are we havin'?"

"Well, I remember you sayin' a couple of weeks ago that you loved Donny's smothered chicken so I picked up a plate of it for you along with some mashed potatoes, string beans, and a grilled corn on the cob." He lifted the lid off of my plate for me. Steam began to slowly float into the air from it.

"Get out!" I grinned. "Ooooh, this smells good!"

"It looks good too! It's makin' me have second thoughts about my cheese steak," he smirked as he sat down across from me. After saying our grace, I asked him if he wanted any of my food.

"If you don't mind sharin'," he smiled.

"Of course I don't," I giggled as I scooted my chair over to his while pulling my plate across the table until it was sitting in between us.

Taking his fork from his bag, he was about to put some of my food on his plate until I stopped him.

"Here," I smiled as I picked up my fork and fed him.

"Damn, this is good."

"Told you," I giggled before eating some myself.
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"I guess I'd betta kiss you good night right here. I don't need for your pops to bumrush me at the door," LaRon smirked as he and Hope stood next to his car after he opened the door for her.

"Whateva, crazy," she giggled as he pulled her close to him. They had been kissing for about two minutes straight when the porch light began to flicker on and off non-stop.

"I'll catch up with you lata," he sighed while shaking his head.

"Okay. And I'm sorry," she sighed back as she stepped out of his embrace.

"No need to be. Good night."

"Good night."

He continued to stand next to his car while watching her make her way up the front porch.

"Was all of that really necessary?" she huffed after Daddy let her in.

"I'm forbidding you to see him again," he calmly stated as he walked away from the door.

"What?"

"I'm not repeating myself. You'll just do as you're told."

"Daddy, I'm eighteen years old! When are you gonna let me grow up and live my life as long as I'm not doin' anything wrong?"

"Don't you dare raise your voice to me!" he warned as he turned around and walked back up to her. By this time, Momma was coming out of the kitchen where she was making her nightly cup of Sleepytime tea.

"You're not bein' fair! What did LaRon do that was so wrong that I can't see him anymore?!"

"I'll not allow you to associate with street trash and he's not welcome here anymore! End of discussion!"

"Momma, are you just gonna stand there and let Daddy do this to me?!" By this time, Hope was crying.

"We're only looking out for your well-being. Honey, right now you just need to concentrate on school," she quietly replied.

"How can you do this to me? I've always done what you've asked of me."

"Just go to bed. We can discuss this in the morning after things have calmed down," Momma suggested.

Hope stood silent for a moment before turning around.

"Where do you think you're goin'?!" Daddy shouted as he quickly walked out the den behind her.

"I'm not stayin' here," she mumbled.

"Like hell you are!" He proceeded to grab her by her arm and forcibly yanked her back towards him. The harder she tried to snatch her arm out of his grip, the harder he held on. That's when Momma stepped in to break the two of them apart. The moment Hope was free, she turned and ran out of the house.

"You come back here!!!" he yelled as he followed her outside. However, she continued to walk over to her car. Once she was inside, she sped out of the driveway and up the street.
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